Countdown

Friday , that's 5 days from now, marks the day I get my first  cardio ultrasound.I've had an ekg before ( I struggle with hypertension ) , and that checked out fine.

When I went for a checkup  last week at the local integrative  wellness center, a systolic heart murmur  was diagnosed for the first time in my life...

 I am nearly mad with worry.

I have never  been told I had one , soooooooo, this sucker is new.

 I also found out that I have a lot of muscle  in this portly , fat body.

I have lost weight ( I work out  6 days a week with various  types of  exercise) recently  ,but  I still eat too much.

I use to be a yo-yo dieter , and a binger /secret eater  in my 20's.

It's only more recently that I understand my connection to food  , emotions  and portion sizes.

It's not a cheeseburger ,soda & fries  junk inna trunk--it's just too  many calories on a small frame.

I donated  several vials of blood for every sort of testing under the sun.

I'm thinking my thyroid may be  off somehow , because I just work too damn hard  to have it be this slow of a weight drop.

I also had myself tested for food allergies  ( if cheese is on the avoid list I might have to advocate insurrection) , and a comprehensive thyroid panel.

Pear shaped women are on my Dad's side of the family, so it's a predisposition , but still, I need to get  fitter.

I want to drop 60 lbs over the next  year or however long it takes , and I hope  that I get a chance to do it.

My husband got diabetes  in the 3 years before he was killed , and he struggled with high blood sugar  .he was 11 years older, his family had a history and he  had a  big  tummy !

I tried to help him, but he was stubborn and controlling his food was hard on him.

I've always been ok blood sugar wise , because despite being overweight I am not sedentary.My parents don't have it, but my Dad's Mom had it and so do 2 of his sisters.

The weight takes it toll though , and so  I have to be more assertive in order to make my future less  complicated.