Meez, A New Avatar Offered by Photobucket
I especially love the green touches I got to pick !
A Little Bit More , A Little Bit More
Like the latest TV Target ads say, but about Moi.
Finish the sentences:
1. I've come to realize that my first kiss ...was very scary.
2. I am listening to...a lawnmower next door .
3. I talk... a lot .
4. I love...artisan dark chocolates.
5. My best friend... is dead.
6. My Car is.... non existent .
7.My life is ...complicated.
8. I hate it when people ask... why I haven't hired a private eye.
9. Love is... wonderful.
10. Marriage is... not a cakewalk.
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...that I have too much time on my hands to fill out this thing.
12. This weekend... was magnificent.
13. I have a secret crush...not so secret ...Gerard Butler.
14. I can't... wear stove pipe jeans,never could.
15. My cell phone...needs a new Sim card , but I am too lazy to call and get it set up with a local #.
16. When I wake up in the morning... I am startled by the moving mess still in my bedroom .
17. Before I go to bed I... fantasize about what it would be like to have a different life.
18. Right now I am thinking about... kundalini yoga.
19. Babies are...sweet work .
20. I get on MySpace...several times a week.
21. Today I... noticed tht I have been exercising a lot, hella-sore muscles indicate that .
22. Tonight I will… stay up way too late and fall asleep in front of the boob tube.
23. Tomorrow I will... hopefully get another day on this crazy planet.
24. I really want to be... secure and fulfilled .
25. Someone that will most likely repost this is...the one that wants to share a little bit more about themselves , like me ,with the general populace.
Another Day , Another Sunset
The Words of My Grief
On rewind: been there ,said that :
Reality, like a stinky fish to the head, whaps me once again
03-14-05,
I had a moment of stark realization the other night.
Again.
I was looking up at the miniature oval silver framed picture my daughter keeps of herself riding atop her Dad's shoulders from when she's around 4 years old.
Then I look at the TV , and a commercial for Law & Order DVD set is running by me .
Oh, sh*t the man in that tiny picture who lived by my side for almost 20 years was murdered.
That really happened.
It wasn't a horrible nightmare.
And it's not over yet.
The rush of sad days following his unexpectedly shocking death
run through me like ice water once again wounding me anew.
The promo drones on, " Nice trees, beautiful lawn, great place for a homicide".
_________________
3:18
My Journey Here --Diaryland Excerpts
Sunday, May. 18, 2003,
At every turn, every time we've moved - when people find out I am a widow , invariably they want to know how he died .
Then that look on people's faces , a mixture of pity , horror and sympathy that immediately changes my possible relationship with them.
But I feel this intrinsic need to tell them what happened ( not in detail of course ) , because this has so fundamentally changed me.
8:39 P.M.
Ponderings
12-28-03,
That's what this is all about-
recreating ourselves.
Not forgetting who brought us to this point , but honoring them in some internal fashion that we can live with everyday.
At first I fought so hard against this change of life plans .
Then I thought, yes I miss him ,and the way he died is so awful.
I am still here though and I must forge into the present and future.
I cannot live on yesterdays alone.
I refuse to let
this be my excuse to do nothing with the time that is left to me.
How fast did those 21 years go by ?
Wallowing in anger, pain and self-pity will bring me nothing.
I cannot live like that .
I will survive.
9:13
Pieces of Me03-13-05,
The first year after his death around 3-4 PM in the afternoon every Sunday - I'd realize his life poured out of him so and so many Sundays ago.
I still catch myself looking up at the clock on Sunday afternoons after 2 1/2 years and remembering what act changed my life forever.
For so many years his days off had been Sundays & Mondays.
Six months previous to his death , it had changed because we needed the extra Sunday money .
We were not spending as much time together anymore as I was working when he was off alot of the time.
That was about to change as I had given my 2 week notice to prepare for the long-awaited assignment to Germany that was finally just around the corner .
That Sunday afternoon my love and dreams lay in a shattered pile at my feet.
I am still picking up the pieces.
A pattern is starting to emerge as I find new dreams built on the rubble of the old.
10:46
Another Cold Spring Day
Flippity Do Da
Flippity De Day !
I so love my latest do.
I still have my natural color (except that I am starting to see stray grays on the left inside temple now ! *pluck, pluck* Aging is such a rip off 
).
The shape makes me feel peppy and gives my bad hair life a definite lift.
It's a little bedraggled from the rain on the one side , but I think the flippy-outi-ness is quite visible.
